Loving aliveness !

I peel back yet another layer

Of understanding the pain

That sends me staggering forward

Into the mouth of fire

Un-lodging the fear monster

That has been settled

For lifetimes

In the caverns of my belly

Awakening with a primal roar

Do I run or face it?

Writhing and thrashing

Filling my inner space

With its death-like stench

Tyrannising the instant,

which lost in its jaws

is sacrificed as sustenance

To an insatiable force

that engulfs my soul

and forces me into

its interminable darkness

the turning point, pivotal

emerges from a desire to live

in the light of the instant

and feel the warmth imbue me

to fight would be to feed

the greedy demon

face on I feel his force

and call upon my allays

to infuse me with their light

their love and impulse for life

Its trunk alone, hard and determined

A pillar of strength

Anchors me solidly between sky and earth

Like a father teaching a toddler to walk

Supporting, the new growth

with its mighty structure

and then I call on the angel of angels

the light bringer, she infuses me

recognising the ancestral fear

whilst caressing my depths, rhythmically

Brushing the fear from my ovaries

She gets to work on my belly

Her radiance brings movement that

Scrapes away the sticky, oozing blackness

It hurts, my kidneys tighten and I vomit

Generations of terror that has no place

In a temple of light, where the angels

Abide.

She passes the torch to Palo-Santo

A master of love

From the deep humus of the forest floor

Decomposing matter into light

My body melts into being here

As I accept the earth as my home

Its massiveness fills every cell

I am worthy of my place and I am safe

Tear drops, cleansing and watering

This new life, pledging its loyalty

To loving aliveness, where fearful death

Has no place except as a distant memory

That was composted, decomposed

Cleansed, transformed by the living soil

Of my belly, so that the forest of dreams

Can flourish and love through me.